Big Butch

This is a grand and glorious day
because my wife is on the way
to pick up Butch! What can I say!
We’re getting a dog today!

“It’s a surprise,” she said, but we’ve talked before
so I know what I’ll see when she walks through that door,
a Lab or a Shepherd or as Bluetick Coon.
I just can’t wait. She’ll be here soon.

I bought a leash and his collar’s here.
I’ll join the guys at the dog park near
the sporting goods store at 1st and Penn,
they’re going to be jealous when we walk in.

I see our car just down the street.
The moment has come for me to meet
Big Butch, who’s truly man’s best friend.
This is a story that’s about to end
with happiness, joy and pride.

But when she walked through the family room door,
I fell on my knees on the hardwood floor,
and I said, “Sweetheart, where’s my best friend?”
And this is where my story ends.

She got a dog. That much is true,
but he wasn’t a Lab or a Tennessee Blue.
She said, “Betty Sue’s the cutest thing!”
And I thought to myself: how dare she bring
that pocket-sized creature in here!

Still on my knees, I looked eye to eye
with an object that made me want to cry.
There in her pocket was an animal that
looked like a healthy New York rat!
I’m not walking THAT with the guys!

Betty Sue is the queen of the household now.
Maybe someday…maybe somehow
I’ll have my own “man’s best friend”
but until that day I’ll just pretend.
Excuse me, please.
I’ve got to go walk Betty Sue.