Prayer Lessons

Can somebody teach me how to pray?
I’m not sure just what to say.
Should I sit or stand or close my eyes?
Am I in for a shock, a big surprise?
What if I get about halfway through
and I can’t think of anything new
and I just keep repeating the same old thing?
What kind of results is that likely to bring?
Doesn’t God get tired of our aches and pains,
our pleas for sunshine or a nice heavy rain?
It sounds to me, with all due respect,
we want God to care for all we reject.
That snooty man who lives next door,
the troublesome neighbor on the 14th floor.
I have neither the time nor the skills, you see,
to take care of them and look after me.
So, I hand them over to the care of God,
and while you may think this a little odd,
I’ve never known quite what to say,
although my friend told me one day
to speak from the heart, whatever that means,
to establish a regular prayer routine.
So, I ask again; I mean what I say.
I need a lesson in how to pray.
A book? A class? A lecture or two?
I really don’t know what to do.
Can you offer any helpful advice?
An Amazon book at a discount price?
I would really like to know just how
to talk with God; to kneel or bow.
In hindsight, I made a huge mistake.
I kick myself…why didn’t I take
Prayer 101 at the seminary?