Beautiful Boy

My son tapped me on the shoulder today:
“Daddy, let’s go outside and run and play!”
I said, “Sweetheart, I’d really like nothing more,
but I’ve got this report that’s due at four
and I’m already a day behind.”

He lowered his eyes and walked away,
looked out the window on a beautiful day
while I went back to my important task.
Now, I just wish I could hear him ask
to play in the sun one more time.

So many years have gone by so fast.
Too many moments I let slip past.
Important things that had to be done
but not one was playing in the afternoon sun
with my beautiful, blond-haired boy.

After all these years, it’s like yesterday
that he asked me to please come out and play.
There’s a lump in my throat and a pain in my heart.
If only I knew a way to start
that Saturday morning again.

I sit here alone on this gorgeous day,
look out the window as the children play
and wish I knew something better to say,
to excuse those times I chose to betray
my child who reached out in love.

Regret is a poison that gnaws at the bone.
If only then I had sensed or known
the sorrow that comes and goes at will
when I think of him standing at that window, still.
My beautiful, blond-haired boy.